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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Bill Belichick Credits Victory To His God

GLENDALE, AZ—After defeating the Seattle Seahawks 28-24 Sunday to win his fourth Super Bowl title, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick took a moment to credit the landmark victory to his god. “We’ve had to endure a lot to get to this point, but it just goes to show that all things are made possible through Y’golonac,” Belichick told reporters as he stood on the trophy stage, emphasizing that his strong relationship with Y’golonac, the Defiler, has given him the strength to get to where he is today. “Win or lose, I’m humbled by all of the Great Old One’s blessings. I’m just thankful that today the great and almighty Y’golonac gave me what it took to win. Thank you, my lord and savior.” At press time, Belichick reportedly knelt down to lead the Patriots in a team prayer, after which the ground inside University of Phoenix Stadium began to tremble.

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