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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Bill Belichick Places Rob Gronkowski In Patriots’ Injured Reserve Cage

FOXBOROUGH, MA—After the star tight end suffered a torn ACL and MCL in his right knee last Sunday, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick announced this week that Rob Gronkowski has officially been placed in the team’s injured reserve cage. “It’s a huge loss, but with that type of injury we really have no choice but to shut Rob down and put him in the IR cage for the rest of the year,” said Belichick, adding that the 24-year-old tight end has joined teammates Jerod Mayo, Vince Wilfork, Tommy Kelly, Sebastian Vollmer, Justin Francis, Adrian Wilson, and Tyronne Green in the Patriots’ 10-by-10-foot electrified high-tensile-wire injured reserve enclosure. “He’s obviously not going to return for at least eight to 12 months, but that will give him the chance to heal up and get ready for next season. We’ll obviously be closely monitoring him and sending someone down there every two or three days to ensure that he’s making progress and to refill the water bowls.” Belichick also confirmed that Gronkowski would not be allowed to rush his recovery, stressing that any attempt to escape the IR cage will lead to “far more serious injuries.”

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