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Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

Potentially offering hope to millions of Americans struggling with psychological and emotional problems, a study published this week in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that test subjects were capable of fully resolving their anxiety by thinking ...

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Bill Belichick Places Rob Gronkowski In Patriots’ Injured Reserve Cage

FOXBOROUGH, MA—After the star tight end suffered a torn ACL and MCL in his right knee last Sunday, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick announced this week that Rob Gronkowski has officially been placed in the team’s injured reserve cage. “It’s a huge loss, but with that type of injury we really have no choice but to shut Rob down and put him in the IR cage for the rest of the year,” said Belichick, adding that the 24-year-old tight end has joined teammates Jerod Mayo, Vince Wilfork, Tommy Kelly, Sebastian Vollmer, Justin Francis, Adrian Wilson, and Tyronne Green in the Patriots’ 10-by-10-foot electrified high-tensile-wire injured reserve enclosure. “He’s obviously not going to return for at least eight to 12 months, but that will give him the chance to heal up and get ready for next season. We’ll obviously be closely monitoring him and sending someone down there every two or three days to ensure that he’s making progress and to refill the water bowls.” Belichick also confirmed that Gronkowski would not be allowed to rush his recovery, stressing that any attempt to escape the IR cage will lead to “far more serious injuries.”

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