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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Bill Belichick: 'We Didn't Win In That Last Second, Did We?'

PHOENIX—Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, the target of much criticism this week after his brusque exit from the playing field with one second left in the Super Bowl Sunday, questioned reporters gathered outside the team's locker room as to whether or not his players had somehow created a turnover during the Giants' final kneel-down and scored the winning touchdown. "Did we end up making a couple of more plays than the other team ended up making during the final second?" Belichick asked. "I'm assuming Randy Moss didn't happen to leap over the Giants offensive line, throw himself under Eli Manning's knee, causing a fumble which was then picked up by Mike Vrabel and run all the way back for a touchdown, right?" Upon finding out that his team did not in fact pull off an amazing miracle comeback in the controversial second, Belichick muttered something about disappointment and walked off.

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