adBlockCheck

Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bill Clinton Agrees To Disclose Guacamole Recipe

WASHINGTON—In a major stride toward increased transparency of former presidents' culinary activities, Bill Clinton agreed Monday to disclose a highly guarded guacamole recipe—including a full list of ingredients—so that his wife, Sen. Hillary Clinton, can be named the next Secretary of State. "President Clinton's efforts will help us avoid any potential ethical problems that the continued secrecy of the preparation instructions for this delicious Mexican appetizer could cause," said Obama transition team spokesperson Ian Gloucester, who added that the recipe will be vetted for any undue foreign influence from Middle Eastern flavors such as cumin. "We're just trying to steer clear of the issues that would arise if this dish was to be served in the White House, and it was discovered that the provenance of the recipe was less than savory." Administration insiders said that if the guacamole recipe is traced back to celebrity television chef Rachael Ray, Sen. Clinton will be compelled to decline her nomination.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close