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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Bill Gates Spends $56 Million On Amazon In One Night

SEATTLE—With his wife away on a research trip for the Gates Foundation, Microsoft founder Bill Gates spent $56 million on Amazon in a single marathon session late Wednesday night. "The kids were in bed, and I was thinking about how it had been a long time since I'd heard any Yes, so I bought the MP3 for 'Leave It,'" Gates said as he opened one of the 13,846 boxes that had arrived at his house. "Then I started looking into other songs Trevor Horn produced and bought all the Frankie Goes to Hollywood and Art of Noise CDs they had. I guess that sort of inspired me, because next I purchased Amazon's entire inventory of musical instruments, equipment, and software, and before I knew it, I somehow ended up with 200 sets of luggage, all their TVs, a bunch of kayaks, that Krakauer book about the Mormons, and I don't even know how many walk-in freezers. Oh, and a dozen chandeliers and a birdbath and pretty much all their watches, too." Gates told reporters he came to his senses at about 5 a.m. after realizing he had nearly purchased a controlling stake in the company.

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