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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Bill Laimbeer Reverently Elbows Chuck Daly's Coffin Into Grave

JUPITER, FL—Beloved NBA and Olympic coach Chuck Daly, who passed away May 9 after a battle with pancreatic cancer, was laid to rest by family and friends yesterday in a quiet ceremony at which a visibly moved and weeping Bill Laimbeer respectfully hard-fouled Daly's casket into its final resting place with a savage and reverent elbow. "That's for teaching me to have respect for myself and never give up, Coach," Laimbeer said as Daly's pallbearers, including former Pistons John Salley, Joe Dumars, and Rick Mahorn, sprawled back on the grass with their arms outstretched and looked to the funeral director for a whistle. "Thank you, Mr. Daly, for making me the man I am today." The otherwise touching ceremony was marred only by an outburst of emotion from Dennis Rodman, who threw himself into Daly's grave and writhed sobbing on the coffin while tearing at his black silk wedding dress.

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