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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Bill Murray Shoots 18-Under To Win Pebble Beach Pro-Am

PEBBLE BEACH, CA—Funnyman Bill Murray put the finishing touches on six-under 66 Sunday at the annual Pebble Beach National Pro-Am, edging out Phil Mickelson and Jim Furyk by five strokes apiece to clinch his first tournament win of the season. "I've been working a lot on my short game lately, and listen, I've played this course enough times to know where the trouble spots are, especially on the dogleg left on 16," said Murray, who also pushed his caddie into a sand trap on the 12th hole and yelled "You missed a spot!" "I think the key today was not paying attention to the scoreboard and just focusing on hitting the greens. They call me a crowd-pleaser, and I did just that by playing a solid round of golf." Other highlights from Murray's performance included his eagle on 5, his masterful par save on the 15th, and the time he jokingly attempted to depants Ernie Els while Els was lining up for a putt.

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