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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Bill O'Brien Promises To Never Uphold The Traditions And Values Penn State Now Stands For

STATE COLLEGE, PA—New head coach Bill O'Brien held an introductory press conference Saturday in which he explicitly promised to never, ever uphold the traditions and values now equated with Penn State football. "I'm very familiar with the principles established within this program, and I can assure everyone out there that those will be completely wiped away," O'Brien said sternly, adding that legacy, history, and culture are also very important things for a new coach to restart from scratch. "If Joe Paterno taught us anything in his 46 years here—you know what, on second thought, let's just remember that football has been played here for a long time, and continuing to play football is something I feel strongly about." O'Brien then spent a full minute shaking his head, sighing loudly, and occasionally rubbing his temples, before turning his attention back to reporters and saying, "This is really going to suck, isn't it?"

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