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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Bill Romanowski Bursts Into Senate To Deny He Ever Took Steroids

WASHINGTON, DC—Former NFL linebacker Bill Romanowski, known during his 17-year career as a gung-ho fitness freak with a near-perfect physique, receding hairline, and extremely short temper, ran onto the floor of the United States Capitol building Monday, interrupting Samuel Alito's Supreme Court confirmation hearings and resisting the efforts of Capitol police to detain him while loudly and repeatedly insisting he never took steroids. "This is all natural muscle—I could still play today!" said Romanowski, the cords standing out on his neck as he proclaimed his innocence, apparently forgetting that he confessed to steroid use on 60 Minutes in October 2005. "Get off me! I'm talking to the freaking Senate!" Romanowski was eventually wrestled to the ground by law-enforcement officers and charged with creating a public disturbance and battery after breaking the nose and orbital bone of Capitol police officer Mark Williams.

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