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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Bills Impressed By Quality Of Toilet Paper In Visitors' Locker Room

GREEN BAY, WI—Bills players were reportedly impressed by the quality of toilet paper in the visitors' locker room at Lambeau Field Sunday, enthusiastically admiring the bathroom tissue's durability, absorbency, and softness. "Wow, fancy," said running back Marshawn Lynch, gently rubbing a sheet across his left cheekbone. "They definitely don't scrimp around here. I hate the stuff our GM gets. It's really thin and rough and it hurts." Lynch reportedly urged his teammates to stuff their bags with the toilet paper before leaving the stadium.

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