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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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'Billy Beane Of Office Softball' Profiled In Book 'MoneySoftball'

OAKLAND, CA—The life and unorthodox softball philosophy of Alameda County Real Estate team manager and employee advocate Brian Kocher is extensively explored in the book MoneySoftball: The Art Of Winning A Meaningless Game, which will be officially released next week. "Kocher was the first to suggest that office softball teams overvalue players simply because they are big and fat, or because they played a little baseball in high school," author Michael Lewis said during a book signing Tuesday. "Kocher ruffled a lot of slow-pitch softball purists' feathers, but he saw early on the advantage of drafting female coworkers from HR—their miniscule strike zones led to higher on-base percentages, and opposing teams were seven times more likely to be lax on the foul-out rule during their at bats. The man broke every paradigm in the book." Lewis spent the rest of the event answering questions about Kocher's intensity, particularly the time he threw a folding chair at the keg of beer standing at third base.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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