Bin Laden Returns To Sea

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Vol 47 Issue 21

Restaurant That Never Has Customers Celebrates Fifth Weird Year

CHICAGO—The Royale restaurant near Rogers Park commemorated its fifth weird year of business Monday the same way it celebrated its opening: with a vague attempt to attract customers by stringing brightly colored plastic flags from the mysterious eatery's storefront to a nearby utility pole.

Al-Qaeda's New Leadership

Following Osama bin Laden's death, the Egyptian-born Saif al-Adel has reportedly been named interim leader of al-Qaeda.

Smallpox Destruction Delayed

The World Health Organization has delayed until 2014 its decision on setting a timetable for the destruction of its storehouse of the smallpox virus.
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Bin Laden Returns To Sea

The al-Qaeda leader descends back into the ocean after killing more than 1 million Americans.
The al-Qaeda leader descends back into the ocean after killing more than 1 million Americans.

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA—The colossal Osama bin Laden, having carved a swath of unimaginable destruction from New York to Washington, has reentered the ocean, dazed and terrified sources are confirming. Bin Laden, whose rampage officials now say may have killed more than a million people and dealt a crippling blow to the American economy, reportedly waded into the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Virginia. He was last seen slowly disappearing into the water several miles offshore.

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