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Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.

How To Combat Harassment Online

Online harassment is an increasingly contentious issue, with social media sites like Twitter and Reddit pressured to crack down on users’ abusive behavior. Here are The Onion’s tips for combating harassment online:

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

A Timeline Of Trump’s Relationship With The Press

President-elect Donald Trump routinely insists that he is treated unfairly by the press, while many in the news industry have openly expressed how difficult it can be to report on him in today’s chaotic media environment. Here is a timeline of the major events that have shaped this relationship.
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Binge-Drinking, Promiscuous Sex Good For You, Says 'New Orleans Journal Of Medicine'

NEW ORLEANS—According to a report published in the latest issue of the New Orleans Journal Of Medicine, a number of behaviors long believed detrimental to one’s health—including binge-drinking and unprotected sex with multiple partners—may actually prolong and enrich one’s life. “Massive intake of alcohol instills a deep sense of happiness, which is essential to an organism’s longevity,” the report stated. Random sex with a variety of partners is likewise encouraged: “Exhaustive field research throughout New Orleans indicates that coupling with as many people as possible is a very good thing,” the study said. Other behaviors endorsed by the renowned medical journal include: eating excessive amounts of rich, spicy food; inhaling nitrous oxide; and screaming “Whoo!” as loudly as possible in public. To aid the early detection of breast cancer, the study also strongly recommended that all women between the ages of 18 and 45 annually expose their breasts to cheering crowds.

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