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20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Biologists Announce They’re All Done With Rodents

‘There Is Nothing About Them That Requires Further Scientific Inquiry,’ Say Scientists

BERKELEY, CA—Saying they had exhausted every possible line of scientific inquiry into the various species, the nation’s researchers announced Thursday that they were completely done with rodents. “We’ve spent many decades and billions of dollars observing, testing, and recording every conceivable cognitive and behavioral aspect of hamsters, mice, rats, and basically the entire order Rodentia, so at this point we’re pretty much all set rodent-wise,” said University of California biologist Emma Meuer, explaining that there was only so much that could be learned about the dietary preferences, spatial abilities, and decision-making skills of these small mammals before scientists started shrugging their shoulders and running out of new studies to subject them to. “We’ve learned how rodents process pain, how they gain weight, how they’ll react to environmental stimuli, and on and on. To be honest, they’re not even that complex of organisms; we’ve kind of knocked out all there is to know about them. So, in terms of us and rodents, that’s pretty much it.” Meuer went on to note that the millions of lab rats at the nation’s universities and research facilities would be replaced in the months ahead by more interesting species that scientists said they would never tire of studying, such as lemurs and sharks.

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20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

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