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After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Bisexual's Parents Half-Understand

EVANSTON, IL—The parents of recently admitted bisexual Jeremy Lambert said they completely half-understand their 19-year-old son's lifestyle choice and are 50 percent behind him no matter what happens, sources reported Monday. "I can honestly say that I partially accept my son for the special person he is," said Kenneth Lambert, 44, adding that nothing would ever change that. "I know it must have been tough for him to come out and tell us part of what he had to say. He should be very proud of half of himself."While Lambert's mother Lisa has remained silent on the matter, many believe that, unlike her husband, she is almost three-quarters accepting of her son.

After Birth

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