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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Bitchy Girlfriend Just Asking For Anne Hathaway To Swoop In, Steal Man Away

ST. CLOUD, MN—According to concerned sources, Jill Sagert, 29—a prissy, uptight lawyer who doesn't realize what a great guy her boyfriend Rich is—might as well be begging actress Anne Hathaway to walk into his life and scoop him right up. "Jill better stop acting like such a prim little bitch and start taking an interest in Rich's music, or that gorgeous A-list celebrity is going to win his heart when he least expects it," friend Diane Lineman said. "She better hope Rich never bumps into Anne Hathaway at a bookstore, because once they get over their initial dislike of each other and are forced to overcome some obstacle together, they will undoubtedly realize they're a perfect match." Others close to Sagert said that, unless she wisens up soon, she will probably end up with that sleaze ball Colin Farrell.

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