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Bitchy Girlfriend Just Asking For Anne Hathaway To Swoop In, Steal Man Away

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Bitchy Girlfriend Just Asking For Anne Hathaway To Swoop In, Steal Man Away

ST. CLOUD, MN—According to concerned sources, Jill Sagert, 29—a prissy, uptight lawyer who doesn't realize what a great guy her boyfriend Rich is—might as well be begging actress Anne Hathaway to walk into his life and scoop him right up. "Jill better stop acting like such a prim little bitch and start taking an interest in Rich's music, or that gorgeous A-list celebrity is going to win his heart when he least expects it," friend Diane Lineman said. "She better hope Rich never bumps into Anne Hathaway at a bookstore, because once they get over their initial dislike of each other and are forced to overcome some obstacle together, they will undoubtedly realize they're a perfect match." Others close to Sagert said that, unless she wisens up soon, she will probably end up with that sleaze ball Colin Farrell.

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