adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

B.J. Upton Always Dreamed Of Winning Game 2 Of ALCS With Shallow Sac Fly

ST. PETERSBURG, FL—Tampa Bay Rays centerfielder B.J. Upton hit a game-winning sacrifice fly to short right field Saturday to defeat the Boston Red Sox in Game 2 of the American League Championship Series, the same scenario Upton said he used to play over and over in his head while growing up in Norfolk, VA. "It's every little boy's dream," Upton told reporters. "You're in your backyard pretending it's Game 2 of the ALCS, you're up to bat, you call your shot—a dinky fly ball directly to the right fielder— and after you barely make contact with the baseball, you jog to first base knowing that the imaginary outfielder will easily catch your pop-up for the out. Then you just stand there and watch as the ball gets thrown to the opposing team's catcher, only for the runner tagging up at third to beat the tag, not because the fly ball you hit was deep enough, but because the runner is pretty fast. And then you join your imaginary teammates at home plate celebrating. I mean, those are the types of situations we play for." Upton later said that he hopes one day to fulfill his other dream of being on deck when one of his teammates hits a single in the fourth inning of Game 6 of the divisional playoffs.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close