Black Box Reveals TWA Flight 800 Passengers Missed End of Dragonheart

Top Headlines

Recent News

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.

Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

MINNEAPOLIS—His mouth going dry and his palms growing sweaty as he arrived at the offices of Regent Advertising Partners to interview for an open account manager position, local man Devin McKee reportedly prayed Thursday that the hiring manager wouldn’t ask him any questions during their meeting.

Origins Of Popular Slang Terms

As the internet helps push new words and expressions into common usage, many may wonder where our most ubiquitous idioms come from. Here are the origins of some popular slang terms and phrases
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Black Box Reveals TWA Flight 800 Passengers Missed End of Dragonheart

WASHINGTON, DC—In what may be the most difficult news yet for families of TWA Flight 800 victims, federal investigators revealed Monday that, according to black box evidence, passengers had not finished viewing the in-flight movie Dragonheart before the airplane crashed.

FBI officials collect some of the wreckage of TWA Flight 800, on which 288 people were tragically killed before being able to see the end of the in-flight movie, <I>Dragonheart </I> (inset).

"As far as we can determine by analysis of the on-board flight recorder," said National Air Traffic Safety Board investigator Gina Paz, "a violent explosion in the plane's fuselage caused the plane to go down, terminating Dragonheart before its exciting completion."

A visibly shaken Paz paused for a moment before adding, "There were roughly 20 minutes remaining in this magical, fanciful Universal Pictures release that the victims never got to see."

"This is a terrible tragedy," said U.S. Transportation Secretary Federico Peña. "One thousand years ago, two sworn enemies—a dragonslaying knight and the last remaining dragon—formed an incredible alliance to battle tyranny in the land. No one deserves to die in the middle of such a tale."

Though the Dragonheart disaster is still under investigation, the NATSB did release several seconds of tape recordings from Flight 800's black box. On the tape, screams and loud sobbing can be heard as the popular Dennis Quaid/ Sean Connery film inexplicably stops in mid-reel following a complete loss of cabin pressure.

"My God! The screen's gone out! We're going down! Does Bowen slay the dragon? Or does he resist and honor their unlikeliest of friendships?!" a woman can be heard wailing on the tape.

Also captured by the black box is an elderly man, who shouts: "What happened? What happened to Julie Christie in her first big-screen performance in over five years?"

According to Irwin Schifrin, the NATSB technician in charge of reviewing TWA's in-flight recorder tapes, there was little indication of trouble prior to the explosion.

"Right up to the moment of the explosion, everything was proceeding normally," Schifrin said. "Passengers responded well to Quaid's portrayal of the idealistic armored knight. There was a brief moment of trouble at the beginning, when some passengers had a hard time accepting Connery as the dragon's voice, but it passed without incident. Then, you can hear the explosion. Not long after that, the movie stopped—and the screaming began."

To help ease the pain of the victims' families, TWA is sending each of them their own copy of Dragonheart.

"It's the least we could do," said TWA spokesman Malcolm Schlesinger. "Even if the victims never lived to see the end of the movie, at least now their loved ones can.


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close