Blacks, Whites Put Differences Aside, Work Together To Make Better Burger

In This Section

Vol 33 Issue 13

Woman Injured In Hostile Makeover

NEW YORK—Area resident Janice Milner is in stable condition following a hostile makeover Monday. According to witnesses, Milner was looking at mascara at the Elizabeth Arden cosmetics counter at Macy's when several salespeople violently descended upon her, brutally applying thick coats of rouge and eye shadow until she fell unconscious. "It was horrible," witness Stacie Hull said. "They had her in autumn colors, and she was obviously a winter."

Congress Raises Killing Age To 19

WASHINGTON, DC—Making good on a promise to curb juvenile crime, Congress passed legislation Monday making it illegal for anyone under 19 to commit murder. "If you kill someone, your parents will be notified, and you may even spend time in jail," said Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott (R-MS). Previously, murderers as young as 14, depending on state of residence, were considered to be acting within the law. President Clinton approved the bill, though he had recently threatened to veto it if youths between 16 and 19 were not granted certain killing privileges with parental consent.

Madcap Romp Escalates Into Zany Hijinks

WALLINGBROOK, VT—A madcap romp involving a string of zany shenanigans escalated into full-blown hijinks Saturday at Croydon Preparatory Academy, an exclusive private school in Wallingbrook. "These nutty kids are driving the board of directors absolutely bonkers with their wild antics," said school headmaster Charles Croydon III. "I don't know which is screwier, the loonball goof-ups or the cornball japery." Paramount Pictures has paid $3.4 million for movie rights to the story of the students' over-the-top hijinks, which the studio plans to turn into an outrageous send-up, expected in theaters in late 1999.

Psychic Phone Service Devastates Competition By Only Hiring The Best Psychics

LOS ANGELES—Psychic phone services across the nation are declaring bankruptcy as a result of the Caring Psychic Souls Service's recent announcement that it hires only the best master psychics. "Only the Caring Psychic Souls Service can offer you readings from the very best psychics in the world today," said Dana Plato, celebrity spokesperson for the service. "We are ruined," said Psychic Encounters spokesperson Nichelle Nichols. "I suppose, in retrospect, we devoted too much energy to infomercials and not enough to the development of a rigorous screening process by which we would guarantee ourselves the absolute top psychics. Now we are paying for it."

New, Improved Olean 30 Percent Less Likely To Make You Shit In Your Pants

CINCINNATI—Procter & Gamble, manufacturer of the breakthrough fat-free cooking oil Olean, unveiled a new, improved version of the product Monday, one that is reportedly 30 percent less likely to cause explosive pants-shitting. "Good news, calorie counters—Olean just got even better," Procter & Gamble spokesman Phillip Hearn said. "Now, even fewer people who eat Lay's-brand Wow! potato chips will experience violent, bowel-shattering defecation and uncontrollable spewing of high-pressure jets of frothy, liquid feces." Hearn said Olean users can still expect to vomit rivers of blood at ten-minute intervals for six months following use.

Get Smooved

Girl, if there is any doubt in your mind as to what time it is, let me break it down for you: It is time for you to get Smooved.

Hippocratic Oath 'Under Review' By HMO Board

INDIANAPOLIS—In a development bioethicists and health-care industry professionals are watching closely, the board of directors of Indiana HMO PhysCare-Plus, one of the largest and most powerful HMOs in the nation, announced Monday that the Hippocratic Oath is currently "under review."

Why Can't I Have A Mistress Too?

I have often been asked if I regret anything about my life. The answer is no! If I were to do it over again, I'd do it all the same! After all, it was I who transformed The Onion from an obscure frontier news-paper with a reader-ship composed mainly of Mennonites to a bustling daily with a readership of millions. And I'll be damned if I ever apologize for taking the life of Brickton Atlas-Trumpet editor P. Oliver Gummidge!

My Goal Is To Someday Be A Realtor

My goal is to someday become a Realtor, and, come heck or high water, I'm going to do it! I've always wanted a career, and, now that the kids are finally old enough not to need me around the house all the time, I'm determined to go for it. As my best girlfriend Patricia who sells Amway told me, there's no better time than the present!
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Advertising

  • Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

    Japanese pharmaceutical company Otsuka has announced plans to put their sports drink Pocari Sweat on the moon in a specially equipped container bearing their logo, which, if successful, would be the first time a commercial product has been flown to the mo...

Business

Blacks, Whites Put Differences Aside, Work Together To Make Better Burger

LOUISVILLE, KY—Sadly, in 1998, America remains a nation deeply divided along racial lines. It's enough to cause one to lose hope. But divided as we are, every now and again something comes along to remind us just how much can be achieved when we view our differences as assets rather than liabilities.

Brian Schickle and Malik Turner are among the many employees at a Louisville McDonald's who have learned to look beyond the color of their skin to achieve a common goal: cooking hot, delicious burgers for their valued customers.

The afternoon crew at Louisville's Carver Street McDonald's is just such a beacon of hope.

In a powerful and touching example of what can happen when people join together without concern for race, this McDonald's multiethnic, seven-person crew has been working in harmony for months now, blind to differences in skin color, united by the common goal of creating a better burger.

"Like our nation itself, this restaurant's crew is made up of a diverse pastiche of backgrounds," day-shift manager Ray Garner said. "But while, all too often in America, people tend to 'stick to their own kind,' fearful of those who are different, around here blacks and whites work side by side, committed to cooking up the freshest, tastiest Big Macs and double cheeseburgers possible for our valued customers."

According to Garner, in many fast-food restaurants across the U.S., black employees tend to cluster in the grill area, while whites like to position themselves at the preparation table. Typically, the result of such voluntary racial segregation, Garner said, is a hamburger that is not as good as it could have been.

"This sort of lack of communication between the grill and prep stations can result in the cooking of too many beef patties, which in turn can lead to the serving of burgers with insufficiently fresh patties. In short, the racial tensions that have simmered in the U.S. for centuries are still keeping many fast-food establishments from cooking up the best possible food for their customers. And that is just sad."

Each day, before the start of the afternoon shift, Garner gives his crew a pep talk to remind them what it is they are fighting against.

"I tell them, 'It's not about black or white, or my color versus your color. We're here with one purpose, and that is to serve our customers the freshest, highest quality burgers possible. Around here, the only color that matters is the deep-brown hue of a well-cooked Quarter Pounder."

"When I first started working here, I would occasionally allow my anger over American society's oppression of blacks to keep me from interacting positively with white co-workers," said lead grill cook Malik Turner, 19, one of four blacks on the seven-person crew. "But I soon realized that such resentment was not just hurting me, but also the customer. And that's a tragedy."

Prep cook Brian Schickle, a 20-year-old white, agreed. "When I look at Malik, I see not someone whose skin color is different from mine, but rather a fellow human being with whom I share the planet, a human being who needs to know how we're doing on patties if our customers are to leave as satisfied as possible with their McDonald's dining experience."

Apparently, the crew's color-blindness is paying off, as the restaurant's burgers are earning accolades from diners of all races.

"I don't believe I've ever been served so delicious and fresh-tasting a hamburger in my life," said Louisville-area bank teller Morton Wallensky, who visited the restaurant Monday on his lunch hour. "This is the taste of love and cooperation among all God's children, and I wish that the people of all nations could take a big bite for themselves."

"I'd like to think that what's happening here is taking root with our customers and changing their lives for the better," Garner said. "And when I read the comment cards in the suggestion box, I can't help but think that it is."

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More