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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Blake Griffin Caught Plagiarizing Dunks

LOS ANGELES—The professional basketball world was left reeling as reports surfaced Tuesday that Los Angeles Clippers power forward Blake Griffin has been caught plagiarizing several of his slam dunks. “We have heard these accusations, and let me assure you that they are receiving our full attention,” said Clippers general manager Gary Sacks, referring to allegations that the former Rookie of the Year stole several iconic dunks from other players without properly crediting them—most egregiously a two-handed overhand slam from the low post recorded in a Jan. 4, 2012 game against the Houston Rockets that experts call a “carbon copy” of a similar dunk previously executed by Chicago Bulls forward Carlos Boozer. “If Blake is found to have in fact stolen these dunks—and we are still making every effort to determine if his rim position, angle of approach, and hang time were in fact lifted from other athletes—then we will hold him fully responsible for his misdeeds. Dunk plagiarism lately has become a black eye for this league, and it is not something our organization takes lightly.” A visibly agitated Griffin reportedly insisted that the only borrowed components of his jams were those taken from public domain slam dunks by such NBA legends as Bob Pettit, Dave DeBusschere, and Elvin Hayes.

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