adBlockCheck

Sports

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
End Of Section
  • More News

Blake Griffin Caught Plagiarizing Dunks

LOS ANGELES—The professional basketball world was left reeling as reports surfaced Tuesday that Los Angeles Clippers power forward Blake Griffin has been caught plagiarizing several of his slam dunks. “We have heard these accusations, and let me assure you that they are receiving our full attention,” said Clippers general manager Gary Sacks, referring to allegations that the former Rookie of the Year stole several iconic dunks from other players without properly crediting them—most egregiously a two-handed overhand slam from the low post recorded in a Jan. 4, 2012 game against the Houston Rockets that experts call a “carbon copy” of a similar dunk previously executed by Chicago Bulls forward Carlos Boozer. “If Blake is found to have in fact stolen these dunks—and we are still making every effort to determine if his rim position, angle of approach, and hang time were in fact lifted from other athletes—then we will hold him fully responsible for his misdeeds. Dunk plagiarism lately has become a black eye for this league, and it is not something our organization takes lightly.” A visibly agitated Griffin reportedly insisted that the only borrowed components of his jams were those taken from public domain slam dunks by such NBA legends as Bob Pettit, Dave DeBusschere, and Elvin Hayes.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close