MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Blake Griffin Claims Basketball Seems Much Rounder Lately

LOS ANGELES—Sharing the observation with teammates and coaches, Clippers power forward Blake Griffin reportedly insisted on several occasions Monday that the NBA official game basketball seems much rounder lately. “Now, whenever I touch the ball, it definitely feels way more curvier,” said Griffin, who appeared lost in thought while slowly running his fingers along the basketball’s surface before declaring that the object looked “extra spherical.” “Maybe they started putting in super-strong circles when they make the basketballs, because I swear right now there’s a whole lot more roundness.” At press time, Griffin had reportedly concluded that the basketball was probably pregnant.

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