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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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Blake Griffin Heartbroken After Catching Chris Paul Throwing Lobs To Lamar Odom

LOS ANGELES—According to team sources, Clippers power forward Blake Griffin was left in total shock and despair Wednesday after walking in on teammate Chris Paul throwing lobs to power forward Lamar Odom. “We’ve been together for two years, and I didn’t think we had any real problems on the frontcourt—I just can’t believe he’d do this to me,” said Griffin, who after a recent practice stumbled upon Paul standing at the free-throw line while a clearly embarrassed Odom hung from the rim in stunned silence. “I really thought he only had eyes for me when flipping the ball up for a huge jam. I guess I was wrong.” At press time, Paul was reportedly outside the team’s locker room desperately pleading with Griffin to “just come out and talk.”

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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