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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Blake Griffin Heartbroken After Catching Chris Paul Throwing Lobs To Lamar Odom

LOS ANGELES—According to team sources, Clippers power forward Blake Griffin was left in total shock and despair Wednesday after walking in on teammate Chris Paul throwing lobs to power forward Lamar Odom. “We’ve been together for two years, and I didn’t think we had any real problems on the frontcourt—I just can’t believe he’d do this to me,” said Griffin, who after a recent practice stumbled upon Paul standing at the free-throw line while a clearly embarrassed Odom hung from the rim in stunned silence. “I really thought he only had eyes for me when flipping the ball up for a huge jam. I guess I was wrong.” At press time, Paul was reportedly outside the team’s locker room desperately pleading with Griffin to “just come out and talk.”

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