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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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Blake Griffin Makes Amazing Dunk Where He Lets Go Of Ball 20 Feet Away From Hoop

MIAMI—Visiting Clippers forward Blake Griffin stunned spectators and opponents alike Sunday with a death-defying dunk executed by releasing the ball a full 20 feet from the basket. "Oh my God, he was literally almost back near the three-point line when he started the dunk, and then the ball suddenly left his hands," said game attendee Matt Harmon, adding that at one point the ball was "like 8 or 10 feet above the rim" and that it seemed to hang in the air forever before sailing through the hoop. "I've never seen anything like it." Later in the game, Griffin performed an encore of sorts, wowing the crowd with a one-point dunk he released 15 feet from the hoop after being fouled.

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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