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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!

As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom.
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Blogger Takes Few Moments Every Morning To Decide Whether To Feel Outraged, Incensed, Or Shocked By Day’s News

SYRACUSE, NY—Explaining that the routine has simply become a regular part of his workday, local blogger Daniel Garner told reporters Monday that he sets aside a few moments each morning to decide whether to feel outraged, incensed, or completely shocked by the day’s news. “Every day I wake up, head online, take a quick glance at what’s happening in the world, blatantly disregard most of it, and then carefully consider what type of overblown and sensationalist reaction I’ll use to frame my next blog post for my readers,” said Garner, describing the difficulty he faces daily when choosing between sputtering exasperation or blind, impotent rage as the overarching tone for each of his indignant, largely fabricated commentaries. “Sometimes I’ll focus in on a fleeting detail within a news story that can be completely blown out of proportion, and other times I’ll spew a sweeping torrent of bitter vitriol about the entire situation. Today, for example, I plan to rant about how we’re all morphing into poisonous zombies from the antibiotics administered to dairy cows by aliens—you know, deftly work in something alarmist about how the milk we drink is in fact white food coloring mixed with the tears of radioactive pandas—and tomorrow I might publish an enraged screed against something ultimately benign that I’ve dubbed ‘Big Fluoride.’ Or I might even dovetail these two latest sources of outrage into one large, shoddy conspiracy, if I can muster the offense. My readers might think that running a blog is easy, but it’s actually a complicated process that involves disposing of many facts and exercising a wide variety of fury.” The blogger added that he was thinking of hiring additional credible reporters by scanning the hyperbolic, uniformed comments left below his posts by equally irate readers.


America’s dairy farmers and importers want to share the real facts about milk. Learn more here.

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