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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Blood-Spattered Suri Cruise Drags Dog Carcass To Mother’s Doorstep

'Suri Get Meat Now?'

NEW YORK—With blood dripping from her gritted teeth as she dragged the dead animal behind her, Suri Cruise reportedly deposited a mangled dog carcass on her mother’s doorstep Thursday and plaintively asked, “Suri get meat now?” “Suri share with Mommy, make present,” the 7-year-old said to her stunned mother, Katie Holmes, after lifting up the dead dog by the fur of its head and presenting it to her. “Suri hungers. Meat fresh. We feast now?” Reports indicate that a visibly emotional Holmes then tearfully gathered the child in her arms, brought her inside, and secured her back inside her cage.

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