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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Blood-Spattered Suri Cruise Drags Dog Carcass To Mother’s Doorstep

'Suri Get Meat Now?'

NEW YORK—With blood dripping from her gritted teeth as she dragged the dead animal behind her, Suri Cruise reportedly deposited a mangled dog carcass on her mother’s doorstep Thursday and plaintively asked, “Suri get meat now?” “Suri share with Mommy, make present,” the 7-year-old said to her stunned mother, Katie Holmes, after lifting up the dead dog by the fur of its head and presenting it to her. “Suri hungers. Meat fresh. We feast now?” Reports indicate that a visibly emotional Holmes then tearfully gathered the child in her arms, brought her inside, and secured her back inside her cage.

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