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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Bloodied, Bruised John Kerry Emerges Victorious At Kickboxing Tournament In Bangkok Prison

BANGKOK—Spitting out a broken tooth as his opponent lay motionless on the bare cement floor, a battered Secretary of State John Kerry emerged victorious Wednesday evening from an underground kickboxing tournament at Bangkok’s notorious Bang Kwang Central Prison, sources reported. “Any other takers?” said the sweat-drenched U.S. cabinet official in perfectly accented Thai, unwrapping the blood-soaked cloths from his hands and feet as spectators showered him in crumpled 20-, 50-, and 100-baht bills. “I certainly hope there’s someone else out there who’s better at muay thai than that last fellow. I was under the impression they took their kickboxing seriously in these parts.” When no one else stepped forward to square off against him, Kerry departed, and was reportedly seen socializing at a black-tie diplomatic gala at the American embassy 90 minutes later.

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