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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Bloodstained Gary Bettman: 'I Have Taken The Necessary Measures To Ensure A Crosby-Ovechkin Final'

NEW YORK—Addressing reporters yesterday in an unnervingly calm tone of voice, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman—his hands, face, and white-collared shirt covered in blood—said that any obstacle standing in the way of both Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin playing in the Stanley Cup Final has been "taken care of." "Sometimes you have to put the greater good of the league ahead of the fact that the [Pittsburgh Penguins and Washington Capitals] are in the same conference. Unfortunately for some, that point needed to be made...how should I put this...more clearly," Bettman said as he removed black leather crimson-splotched gloves from his hands and what appeared to be an ear from his jacket pocket. "Needless to say [NHL Players' Association executive director] Paul V. Kelly, [New York Rangers General Manager] Glen Sather, and Mario Lemieux will not be attending this press conference as was originally scheduled." When Bettman asked if there were any questions, no reporters raised their hands.

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