Bo Obama Receives Visiting Dognitaries From Furuguay

Top Headlines


Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Intergalactic Law Enforcement Officers Place Energy Shackles On Hillary Clinton

PARADISE, NV—Materializing through a dimensional portal in front of a stunned audience at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, intergalactic law enforcement officers reportedly appeared onstage during Wednesday night’s presidential debate and placed a pair of glowing blue energy shackles on Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.

Trump Complains Entire Personality Rigged Against Him

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Responding to his flagging poll numbers and a string of newspaper editorials and cable news pundits questioning his fitness to lead, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly complained to a rally crowd Thursday that for the entirety of this race, his personality has been rigged against him.

Fact-Checking The Second Presidential Debate

Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump discussed topics including national security, taxes, and their ongoing personal scandals in a contentious town hall presidential debate Sunday. The Onion evaluates the truthfulness of their claims

Trump Vomits Immediately After Seeing Everyday Americans Up Close

ST. LOUIS—His face turning deathly pale and beads of cold sweat forming on his brow as he took his seat for the town hall forum at Washington University, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly vomited directly onto the debate stage Sunday night upon viewing everyday Americans up close.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Bo Obama Receives Visiting Dognitaries From Furuguay

Bo Obama meets with members of the Furuguayan doglegation.
Bo Obama meets with members of the Furuguayan doglegation.

WOOFINGTON, D.C.—Aiming to strengthen yiplomatic relations with the nation of Furuguay, Bo Obama welcomed a visiting doglegation from the overseas country to the White House Thursday for talks on a wide range of vital rufforms.

The historic meeting—the first time a sitting Furuguayan dognitary has visited Woofington since the Checkers Administration—began with a traditional photo op on the White House portico, in which the two leaders formally greeted one another by shaking paws. After brief prepared rebarks, Bo and the Furuguayan diplomutts reportedly retired to the South Lawn for a private discussion of minimum wag laws and a pending flea trade agreement.

“Bo and Cesar dug in right away and weren’t afraid to get their paws dirty on the tough issues,” said Bo’s press secretary, Chiclets, noting that the two sides spent hours sitting and speaking, and occasionally chasing squirrels. “Furuguay is a developing nation, and unfortunately much of its poor pupulation lives in abject slobberty. That’s why Bo has agreed to a comprehensive aid package that includes thousands of tons of heartworm medicine and emergency Ken-L Rations.”

“It should just be a formality shepherding the relief bill through both doghouses of Congress,” Chiclets added.

In addition to reaching an aid deal, the two leaders are said to have talked extensively about the ongoing situation in Arfghanistan, where Tailiban insurgents continue to commit heinous acts of terrierism and aggressively defend what they consider their territory. According to sources, Furuguayan officials pledged to deploy several hundred well-trained rovert ops soldiers along the Pugistan border to help multinational FIDO forces sniff out and put down the Muzzlem extremists.

Additionally, both sides vowed to tighten treat sanctions on the disobedient nation of North Corgia.

“Bo and Cesar believe we’ve been chasing our tails for far too long with North Corgia, and agree that it’s time to put our paw down on the matter,” Chiclets said. “We’ve tried waving a big stick in talks with the North Corgians, but they simply refuse to roll over. And we’ve also tried offering them a variety of rewards to bring them under the negotiating table, but to no avail. Listen, we’re not going to beg here.”

“They’re being bad,” Chiclets added. “Very, very bad.”

Following the busy day of negotiations and an exciting ride in the presidential motorcade, the Furuguayan representatives were treated to an extravagant state dinner that is said to have featured a variety of rawhide appetizers, a six-course meal of kibble, chow, and wet food, and a mouth-watering bone dessert, all served in gold-rimmed fine china bowls on the White House’s opulent East Room floor.

According to the guest list, over 300 of the biggest figures in Woofington pawlitics attended the gala event to celebrate the countries’ renewed ties and sniff each other’s anal glands. Among those spotted at the fete were the Barker of the House and Bo’s longtime best friend Barack Obama.

Though there was one instance when bilateral talks were disrupted by a ringing doorbell, handlers strongly praised the two dognitaries, unanimously hailing the visit and state dinner as a major achomplishment for both countries.

“Clawing out agreements is not easy, but I think we made major strides today,” said Chiclets. “We know Furuguay will always remain loyal.”

According to aides, Bo and Fetchury Secretary Marshmallow are slated to travel later this week to Poocharest, Romania for the K-9 summit, which will bring together doglegates from the nine wealthiest purebred nations to seek solutions to the ongoing global felinancial cat-astrophe.


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close