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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Boardwalk Con Men Hit Hard By Sharp Decrease In Chumps

ATLANTIC CITY, NJ—According to a survey of confidence men released Tuesday, limited economic growth in the United States has led to a severe decline in the number of chumps, marks, and suckers ripe for the picking on the boardwalk. "A stagnant economy like this, I can't get no one interested in the same old grift," local sharpie Johnny Three-Cards said between unsuccessful attempts to hustle passersby into a pigeon drop. "On a good day, I reel in two, maybe three, patsies, tops. I honestly ain't had a halfway decent swindle since that busload of rubes was up here from Nashville in June." The survey also suggested that unless the economy soon showed signs of generating the disposable income required to sustain their flimflams, the whole lot of 'em was going to pull up stakes and take it down to Florida, where the chumps are a dime a dozen.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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