adBlockCheck

Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bob Barr On Two-Party System: "Waaah! Waaah!"

In a speech delivered to a small group of supporters in Pennsylvania, Libertarian presidential candidate Bob Barr made a number of statements regarding the unfair nature of the two-party system and generally whined and moaned like a huge baby. "Waaah! Waaah! I want my own special party because I don't like altering my positions to attract voters. Waaah!" Barr said, his panties reportedly all in a bunch. "I believe in a lot of Republican and Democratic ideologies, but not all of them! Boo-hoo. I want my name on the ballot! I waaaaaant it!" According to the Federal Election Commission, during the time it took Bob Barr to throw his 20-minute temper tantrum, John McCain and Barack Obama collectively amassed another $12.2 million in campaign funding.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close