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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Bob Barr On Two-Party System: "Waaah! Waaah!"

In a speech delivered to a small group of supporters in Pennsylvania, Libertarian presidential candidate Bob Barr made a number of statements regarding the unfair nature of the two-party system and generally whined and moaned like a huge baby. "Waaah! Waaah! I want my own special party because I don't like altering my positions to attract voters. Waaah!" Barr said, his panties reportedly all in a bunch. "I believe in a lot of Republican and Democratic ideologies, but not all of them! Boo-hoo. I want my name on the ballot! I waaaaaant it!" According to the Federal Election Commission, during the time it took Bob Barr to throw his 20-minute temper tantrum, John McCain and Barack Obama collectively amassed another $12.2 million in campaign funding.

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