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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Bob Dole For Windows to Replace Bob Dole 4.0

WASHINGTON, DC—Computer users are eagerly anticipating the new updated version of Bob Dole due in stores next week. Bob Dole for Windows, priced at $94.99, will boast many improvements over the previous model, including true multitasking, protected memory space and a redesigned user interface. “Bob Dole For Windows will be the easiest-to-use version of Bob Dole ever,” said Larry Tavers, head of the Dole programming team. “You’ll never use Bob Dole 4.0 or DoleOS again.” Bob Dole For Windows is compatible with all other 73-year-old, Kansas-based Republican operating systems.

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