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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Bobby Labonte Real Happy With 73rd Lap

DAYTONA BEACH, FL—Despite finishing a distant 22nd in the 2009 running of the Daytona 500, veteran driver Bobby Labonte expressed supreme satisfaction with his 73rd lap of the tri-oval. "There are laps and then there are laps, but that might be the best lap I've ever run," said a visibly moved Labonte, who compared the lap to his beloved 118th at the 2007 Sharpie 500 and his much-ballyhooed third at the 2004 Tropicana 400. "In a million years I never even imagined I could run a lap like that, and I doubt I'll ever run one like that again. I can't get over the fact that it came after that disgraceful 72nd—a lap that made me honestly think the sport had passed me by. It just all came together; the racing line, the car, the draft, everything. Just amazing." When informed the lap ran him two seconds above his average time, Labonte shook his head and said, "You just don't get it."

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