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Body Language Experts Offer Insight Into Meaning Of Marco Rubio Loudly Sobbing Throughout Debate

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Election 2016

Financially Struggling Trump Campaign Holds Fundraising Riot

NEWARK, NJ—Having raised only $3.1 million last month despite clinching the Republican nomination and with just $1.3 million on hand, Donald Trump’s presidential campaign sought a much-needed injection of cash Wednesday by holding a fundraising riot in Newark, sources confirmed.

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Here is a guide to presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump’s potential running mates in the 2016 presidential election

Nation Clinging Desperately To Brief Inspirational Moment Before Being Thrust Back Into Raging Election Maelstrom

WASHINGTON—Following Hillary Clinton’s primary victories Tuesday that presumably secured her place as the first woman in U.S. history to receive a major party’s presidential nomination, citizens across the nation admitted to reporters they were desperately clinging to the brief moment of inspiration before they are inevitably thrust back into the raging black maelstrom of the 2016 election.

Campaign Announces Clinton Has Entered Incubation Period After Securing Nomination

Candidate Transitioning Into Mature Presidential Form Inside Cocoon, Aides Say

NEW YORK—Immediately after she clinched the 2,383 delegates needed to secure the Democratic presidential nomination Monday night, campaign aides announced that Hillary Clinton had retreated to a dark corner of her Brooklyn headquarters and entered the beginning of a 16-week incubation period.

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Donald Trump’s Campaign: Myth Vs. Fact

Donald Trump’s political positions, personal history, and potential governing style have been the subject of much debate throughout the 2016 election. The Onion separates myth from fact in this breakdown of Trump’s campaign:

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.
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Body Language Experts Offer Insight Into Meaning Of Marco Rubio Loudly Sobbing Throughout Debate

DETROIT—Closely analyzing his soft whimpers and the pained expressions on his tear-streaked face, body language experts on various political news sites provided nuanced insight into the meaning of Marco Rubio’s loud sobbing during Thursday night’s Republican debate. “If you take a look at the way Rubio has spent the majority of the debate with his head buried in his hands, only pausing his bawling to occasionally wipe the tears and mucus off his face—that’s a clear indication of disappointment, quite possibly over his recent showing on Super Tuesday,” wrote longtime political pundit Karen Stetler in a post on Politico, noting that the candidate’s audible dry-heaving likely revealed that he was somewhat nervous about his path to the nomination. “At one point, he curled up on the floor behind his podium to hide from the crowd’s view and continued crying while pulling at his hair. While this could merely be a personal tic, it seems likelier that he was displaying some level of personal discomfort about where he stands among the remaining Republican field.” When the Florida senator later responded to a question by staring blankly down at his lectern for a full minute before walking slowly off the stage, experts were quick to note the gesture may have lost him the debate.


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