adBlockCheck

Tips

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Choosing The Right Dog For You

Once you decide to get a dog, there’s a wide range of adoptable pets to choose from, whether it’s a mutt or purebred. The Onion offers some helpful tips for choosing the dog that’s right for you.

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bodybuilding Tips

More and more Americans are pumping iron.

Here are some tips to get your bodybuilding program on track:

Bodybuilding Tips


  • It's important to keep your lifting routine varied. If you've been saying "Ooooooof" every time you lift, try switching to "Ungggggh."
  • To gain respect in the gym, bludgeon with a dumbbell the first guy who offers to trade sets with you.
  • Weightlifting is not just a sport for men. It is also enjoyed by many lesbos.
  • A good rule of thumb for bodybuilding: If no sleeved garment fits you, you can stop.
  • Doctors warn of the dangers of steroid abuse, so be a pussy and let some pussy doctor tell you what to do, pussy.
  • It's true: Bodybuilding is a great way to meet, terrify, and repulse the opposite sex.
  • Power up with a good meal of infants before doing any substantial lifting.
  • Keep in mind that weightlifting is a physical activity. Carrying heavy emotional baggage or any other metaphorical burden will not actually improve strength.
  • YOU CAN BUILD MUCSLE FAST!!! MAXMIZE YOUR PHYSIQUE! THE KEY TO SERIOUS GROWTH CAN BE YOU'RS! CLICK HERE!!!
  • Remember: Flexibility is of no importance to a bodybuilder. Why turn your head when you can rotate your entire torso to achieve the same effect?
  • Supplement your diet with vitamin B-12, magnesium, glutamine, amino acids, horse steroids, and zinc.
  • If you are a female bodybuilder, concentrate on transforming your breasts into leathery slabs of rock-hard muscle. Guys love that.

More from this section

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close