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Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

Guest Searches Hand Towel For Low-Traffic Area

INDIO, CA—Noting several distinct patches of damp, matted fibers, houseguest Tara Muirsky scoured her host’s lone bathroom towel for a low-traffic area with which to dry her hands, sources confirmed Monday.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Boise Homemaker Bows Toward Mecca Just To See What It's Like

BOISE, ID—After reading an article about Muslim rituals, curious homemaker Frances Parker decided to give bowing toward Mecca a shot Tuesday.  "I guess I just wanted to see what it'd feel like," Parker said of the few minutes she set aside to lay a colorful blanket on the ground, draw the curtains, and look up which direction Mecca was from her house in Boise. "It was kind of neat." While she admitted performing the ritual five times a day seemed "a bit much," the mother of two told reporters she might try to work in another bow tomorrow and see how that goes.

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Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

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