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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Bold Employee Just Watching Videos During Meeting With Sound On

PHILADELPHIA—Showing reportedly no signs whatsoever of fear, restraint, or apprehension, sources confirmed today bold local graphic designer Dan Perrett was just watching videos on his laptop, with the sound on and everything, during a 1 p.m. board meeting. “Ha,” Perrett reportedly chuckled to himself, confidently and unabashedly, before raising the volume on a YouTube video titled “Man wipes out on scooter,” right there in the middle of a telephone conference with corporate. “That’s hilarious.” According to sources, Perrett then loudly called for a coworker in the next room to “come check this out.”

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