The Onion Weather Center focuses on the Midwest, where a storm system should recede into the distance like any hope of a stable economic future; a tornado bears down on a podunk, backwater hick town; and field reporter Matt Jennings is live from God knows where.
LA PAZ, BOLIVIAThe South American nation of Bolivia was inducted into the Development Organization of Powder-Exporting Countries Monday. "As the world's third-largest producer of coca, we are pleased to join Colombia, Peru, Mexico, and other proud nations in economic partnership," said Sonia Atala, Bolivia's minister of opiates. "Only by working together can we assure ourselves of continued expansion into foreign markets." The move was opposed by the U.S., DOPEC's largest customer, on the grounds that further price increases and supply restriction would create long lines at dealerships.