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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Bombastic Team Introduction Scares Timid Charlotte Bobcats Back Into Locker Room

CHARLOTTE, NC—Frightened by the deafening music, the frenzied laser show, and the announcer's booming voice, panicked Charlotte Bobcats players fled the chaotic environment of the Time Warner Cable Arena during their pregame introduction Friday, hiding in their locker room until they were assured by officials that it was safe to come out. "I have no idea what was going on out there, because it just went totally dark, and then everybody started screaming and there were these sirens going off for some reason," said small forward Gerald Wallace, who admitted fearing for his life. "Then there was this growling, super-loud voice that seemed to come from all around us. And somehow it knew all our names—how? Anyway, that's when we all got the hell out of there as fast as we could."After Bobcats coach Larry Brown spent 20 minutes coaxing the players back onto the court for the opening tip-off, the team scattered in every direction when a referee blew his whistle.

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