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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Book Of Revelations: Secrets Revealed In Other Athletes' Autobiographies

John Daly's new book "Educated Guess" sheds light on the champion golfer's career, including the revelations that he must re-teach himself how to play golf after every stultifying hangover and how he won the 1991 PGA Championship while in a total dissociative fugue state as a Mexican horticulturalist named "Juan". Daly is not the only athlete to make some world-shocking revelations. Here are some other recent autobiographies of note:

  • Yuniesky Betancourt: the Royals shortstop has admitted on more than one occasion that he could hit for a much higher batting average, but is addicted to the jolting thrill of swinging and missing at a pitched ball.
  • Ron Artest: In his new book "Careless Texas Indecency", Artest makes a number of startling admissions, including that has played every game in his career naked save for extremely realistic looking body paint.
  • Barbaro: The iconic horse's recent memoir revealed that the Kentucky Derby winning horse is not only still alive, but capable of writing his own memoir.
  • Dwyane Wade: Details the Heat's star's struggles with addiction to ridiculous plaid bowties and horn-rimmed glasses.
  • Tiger Woods: As a follow-up to John Daly's autobiography, Woods released a book in which he reveals he doesn't remember anything he's done in the past two years so no one else should either.

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