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Bored Bud Selig Makes The Diamondbacks An American League Team This Year

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Bored Bud Selig Makes The Diamondbacks An American League Team This Year

NEW YORK—Bored and looking for something to do during his 19th season as MLB commissioner, Bud Selig decided Thursday that he would move the Arizona Diamondbacks to the American League West for the 2010 season. "I figured, ah, why not, you know?" a distracted and disinterested Selig told reporters, saying that implementing the league switch would be a decent way to kill time. "If it doesn't work out, we can switch it back halfway through the season. Whatever." Selig went on to announce that, just for the hell of it, Indians outfielder Grady Sizemore would be banned from baseball for life.

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