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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!

As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom.
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Bored God Tries To Fit All Of Jupiter In Mouth

THE HEAVENS—Saying He’d had absolutely nothing to do all day, the Lord our God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, reportedly attempted to alleviate His boredom Monday by seeing if He could fit the entire planet Jupiter into His mouth. “I was just sitting around not really doing anything when I looked over at Jupiter and suddenly thought to myself, ‘I bet I can get that whole thing in my mouth,’” said God, noting that He had stuffed 58 moons into His mouth once before but had never tried to put an entire gas giant in there. “It’s a pretty big planet, so I had to open my mouth really wide, and even then I had to shove it fairly hard with the palm of my hand. I got it in pretty far, but then I nearly choked, and I chickened out. Almost had it.” God added that He spent the rest of the afternoon seeing how close He could get His hand to the sun before it started to really hurt.

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