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Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
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Bored Kim Jong-Un Stacks Entire North Korean Populace Into Human Pyramid To Kill Time

PYONGYANG—In an effort to relieve his boredom and fill an otherwise uneventful afternoon, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un stacked all 24 million of his country’s inhabitants into a human pyramid Friday to help him pass the time. “Do the pyramid faster and taller,” the North Korean dictator ordered from a balcony overlooking Kim Il-sung Square, as 800,000 of his citizens clambered to reach the 47th tier of the massive gymnastic formation and steady themselves on the trembling backs of millions more of their countrymen. “I want it taller than that. Have the labor camps been emptied? We can add prisoners from the labor camps. Move faster! Ugh, this human pyramid is more dull than no human pyramid at all.” At press time, Kim had left to take a nap, but ordered the pyramid to remain indefinitely in case he got bored again and wanted to play around with it some other time.

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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

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