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Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
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Bosnian Gum company Introduces New War-Flavored Gum

ZAGREB—YugoBubble, Bosnia’s leading producer of gum and candy confections, cashed in on the enduring popularity of its country’s civil war by unveiling an exciting new war-flavored gum Monday. According to Yugo-Bubble spokesperson Radjan Miltin-ovic, the gum, known as Serb-licious Super Chew-Chew, will have an “exciting, edge-of-death war flavor, packed with pure chewing satisfaction and eight-year-long war goodness.” Said Milt-inovic: “Whether you’re visiting in-jured loved ones in the hospital or just hanging out in your basement, hiding from the enemy, Serb-licious is guaranteed to always keep things poppin’.” If the gum is successful, YugoBubble is already prepared to move forward with a full line of new gums, including a burned skin-flavored gum with a burst of shrapnel excitement in the middle.

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Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

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