Bosnian Gum company Introduces New War-Flavored Gum

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Vol 29 Issue 16

Ask A Navy SEAL

Dear Navy SEAL,My boyfriend, who I love very much, was laid off from his job a few weeks back.

Deforestation Complete

Global deforestation, the environmental disaster forewarned by eco-radicals since as far back as 1980, has finally and irreversibly arrived, spokespersons from Worldwide PulpCo announced Monday.

Dog People, Cat People

CASTSTEVE, a lean, handsome man in his early 30s who works as a loan officer.MELANIE, a petite, cute woman in her late 20s who works as a bank teller.PETER, the president of Consolidated ...

Uptight Matron Enjoys Handful of Pills

SCOTSDALE, AZ—Georgette McHue, a Scotsdale-area uptight matron, enjoyed a handful of colorful pills yesterday, swallowing them down after dinner with a glass of water.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Bosnian Gum company Introduces New War-Flavored Gum

ZAGREB—YugoBubble, Bosnia’s leading producer of gum and candy confections, cashed in on the enduring popularity of its country’s civil war by unveiling an exciting new war-flavored gum Monday. According to Yugo-Bubble spokesperson Radjan Miltin-ovic, the gum, known as Serb-licious Super Chew-Chew, will have an “exciting, edge-of-death war flavor, packed with pure chewing satisfaction and eight-year-long war goodness.” Said Milt-inovic: “Whether you’re visiting in-jured loved ones in the hospital or just hanging out in your basement, hiding from the enemy, Serb-licious is guaranteed to always keep things poppin’.” If the gum is successful, YugoBubble is already prepared to move forward with a full line of new gums, including a burned skin-flavored gum with a burst of shrapnel excitement in the middle.

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