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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Boss Alludes To 'Crunch Time'

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Seeking to motivate his employees for a fast-approaching deadline, DCG Printing departmental manager Bryce Gillian referred to the following three days as "crunch time" Monday. "Apparently, Bryce thinks he has to get all of us psyched for the end of the Gymboree direct-mail catalog project," layout artist Pete Auriemma said. "If it would make him feel like he inspired us, I guess I could walk briskly between offices. That might help create a more 'crunch-timey' atmosphere." Auriemma said he is looking forward to Wednesday afternoon, when the project is expected to move from crunch time into "the home stretch."

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