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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Boss Came To Work Today Dressed As Guy Who Fires Sean

TRENTON, NJ—Praising his Halloween costume as “extremely realistic,” employees at local software firm Sterling Data Analytics confirmed Thursday that boss Donald Barlow has come into the office dressed as a guy who’s firing Sean. “Wow, he absolutely nailed it,” marketing associate Susan Dominguez told reporters, adding that Barlow’s depiction of a stern middle manager who, due to Sean’s recent performance issues, is forced to lay him off is “absolutely perfect.” “He’s got a suit on and this really serious look on his face just like a man who’s about to explain to Sean that his position has been terminated, effective immediately, and that he needs to clean out his desk and turn in his keycard. Very authentic. And it looks like he just called Sean into his office, too. Man, he’s really selling it.” At press time, Sterling employees were similarly impressed by Sean’s decision to dress up as a weeping man who had just lost his livelihood.

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