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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Boss Waxes Nostalgic About Sexual-Harassment Suit

CLEVELAND–With a puckish gleam in his eye, Northcentral Insurance vice-president Henry McClellan reminisced Monday about his highly publicized sexual-harassment suit of six years ago. "Oh, man, that was a crazy time," McClellan told John Gregorian, his longtime personal attorney, over cocktails at the Lake Erie Yacht Club. "I thought that little prick-tease was going to nail me to the wall on that one. But what you did to her during that cross-exam, John, was truly a thing of beauty. I'll never forget the look on that pretty little face when the verdict was read." The best part, McClellan said, was when the unnamed employee, who had quit her job at Northcentral Insurance prior to the suit, re-applied for work in the company's payroll department and was declined.

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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