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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Boss Waxes Nostalgic About Sexual-Harassment Suit

CLEVELAND–With a puckish gleam in his eye, Northcentral Insurance vice-president Henry McClellan reminisced Monday about his highly publicized sexual-harassment suit of six years ago. "Oh, man, that was a crazy time," McClellan told John Gregorian, his longtime personal attorney, over cocktails at the Lake Erie Yacht Club. "I thought that little prick-tease was going to nail me to the wall on that one. But what you did to her during that cross-exam, John, was truly a thing of beauty. I'll never forget the look on that pretty little face when the verdict was read." The best part, McClellan said, was when the unnamed employee, who had quit her job at Northcentral Insurance prior to the suit, re-applied for work in the company's payroll department and was declined.

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