SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.
AMHERST, MA—After years of promising not to discuss work after hours but always failing, botanists at Hampshire College's Agricultural Studies Farm Center told reporters yesterday they have finally made a pledge to ban any and all talk of plants during drinks this Friday. "We always say we're going to leave it at the lab, but when you get a group of us botanists together, the subject of how mycology falls under the umbrella of ethnobotany is bound to come up," said Dr. Cynthia Devlin, admitting that in the past she has been guilty of filling awkward gaps in conversation with fungi- related anecdotes from the workday. "But this time we mean it. The first person to even think about bringing up petioles or lateral buds is out." According to Devlin, the group's efforts to separate phytopathology and pleasure will be greatly aided by the decision to move their weekly get-together to Marty's Bar & Grille from the Rainforest Café.