Residents of Pennington, IL report that hot shit Jeff Statsky has returned home with his tail between his legs.
KANSAS CITY, MO—Players on both the anemic Kansas City Chiefs offense and the porous Cincinnati Bengals defense celebrated with high-fives, hugs, and minor victory dances when the Bengals managed to stop a rare positive gain by the Chiefs running game during the first quarter of Sunday's game at Arrowhead Stadium. "Getting almost two feet more than their league worst 3.1 yards-per-carry average could be a huge momentum builder for the Chiefs," said CBS announcer Rich Gannon, who had initially expected Chiefs running back Larry Johnson to slip and fall down behind the line of scrimmage, run straight into his blockers, or fumble while the Bengals linebackers either attempted weak arm tackles or overran the play completely. "Still, you really have to like what the Bengals did on that play by allowing only a few yards before tackling the runner. Both of these teams are really setting the tone right now." Gannon added that he didn't know how long these two teams could continue to play over their heads and execute at such an average level.