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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Bourbon Helps Carpet Salesman Forget About Carpeting For Awhile

HOUSTON–Carpet salesman Martin Janowski, 53, was able to forget about carpeting for just a little while Monday after consuming a fifth of Jim Beam Kentucky bourbon. "For a few glorious moments, I cleared my mind of Anso II Stainmaster Plus and Bigelow Dura-Plush carpeting," said Janowski, a 26-year employee of CarpetMart in Houston. "The bourbon made the floor coverings go away. "To help him forget about carpeting tomorrow night, Janowski said he will likely employ Southern Comfort, Johnnie Walker Red, or some combination thereof.

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